Lessons from the Minivan

I don’t know who decided that motherhood equals servitude, but it’s causing an epidemic of moms feeling horrible for wanting any sort of personal life. Perfection is unattainable and our quest for it is soul sucking. I don’t know a single mom who’s not battling anxiety, depression, OCD or mom guilt. Pregnancy hormones change our brain chemistry, making things more difficult-sometimes permanently. Thank God there are medications, but I digress. I worry about the vulnerability of sharing my experiences. But, I worry more about moms who are feeling lower than they ever felt possible. I’ve been there, years after PPD, sometimes I’m still there. So, your kid threw a tantrum in a public place? So, you lost your shit and yelled? So, you wanna quit this unpaid 24/7/365 job? Girl, sometimes so do I. And when my child hurls insults, I wonder why I even bother. Our job of raising tiny humans is to produce adults who must function in the world. Becoming a doormat to protect them from every rejecti

“You shouldn’t lose your identity to motherhood. Before you became a mommy, you were a person and that person is still important.” THEY tell you not to lose yourself, but THEY never tell you how to preserve your identity. How in the name of all things holy are we supposed to maintain our pre-parent identity while simultaneously caring for with an all consuming   infant? What about when they’re toddlers? How are we supposed to maintain our identities when we spend our days trying to prevent a mini kamikaze from killing himself. If you’re an at home parent, you’ve likely become the maid too. Never mind the fact that you may have the same degree or higher as your partner, you’ve been relegated to the drudgery of housework. I hate cooking and doing the dishes, but found myself swallowed by the kitchen, a slave to my small humans. If you’re a career parent, you probably find yourself doing the bare minimum both at work and at home. I know I did. What about the school age, latency phase? How

 Dear kids, This is my first pandemic too. It’s also my first quarantine. None of this is what you expected or wanted. I couldn’t have foreseen this if I had a crystal ball to guide me. But you know what? We’re going to be adaptable and flexible to get through whatever the pandemic brings. All those lessons in having a “growth mindset” will pay off. But first, there are some things you should know. Parents have no guidebook and are winging it. Yup, that’s right. We’re making thousands of tiny decisions which fluctuate with your moods, my moods, and the moon’s position. Basically, there’s no rules. We’re ensuring you’re fed, clothed, sheltered, and educated. Once the basics are covered, anything goes. If you didn’t know that before, here’s the proof: We are coming unglued! We are melting down in front of your teachers and our colleagues who now live in our home, thanks to Zoom. Work, school, and home life have never before collided like this. Removing facades—and pants—reveals our true