Things I Won’t be Able to do With my Face Once Masks are no Longer a Thing

This mask thing isn’t all bad. I know it’s annoying, but after almost a year of wearing one during this pandemic, it’s kinda melded with my face. Now that masks are part of my wardrobe, I no longer have to worry about putting makeup on half of my face to go out in public. I used to be a slave to lipstick. I own the same color in 45 shades and now wear none of it. I’m richer because I’m not buying a new lipstick I don’t need every month. Once masks aren’t required, I’ll certainly be in debt to MAC and Lancôme once again.

I won’t be able to ignore waxing, bleaching, exfoliating, and tweezing anymore. Now, I could be sporting a full mustache and goatee, but the Target cameras would never know. I currently look good with only my eyes and hair visible to Target’s giant, concave reflectors. For those who use Botox, you can let those jowls flap freely under the mask and use the money on DoorDash snacks instead.

Speaking of snacks, masks hide a multitude of messes. I don’t have to worry about dusting off potato chip  crumbs while wearing a mask. I can also stuff my face with chips and crunch away behind the mask. Chew with my mouth closed? Not if no one’s looking. When masks are no longer a thing, I’ll need to resume checking my teeth for stuck food and wiping my face. Those things used to come automatically. Now, I’m a full-fledged slob!
Currently, I don’t have to worry about offending people with my facial expressions. Resting bitch face is well hidden behind the mask. I like to think I don’t have RBF, but I sure as hell don’t smile 24/7. In fact, I’m incredibly emotive and my facial expressions betray me when I’m trying to put on a poker face. Under the cloth’s shield, I can freely express when I’m grossed out. You know that snarl people give you when they’re annoyed? I don’t miss seeing it.

Once masks are gone, I’m going to have to reign in my clueless muttering. Now, I can bumble around talking to myself without anyone noticing or caring. Also on the list of things to curtail: huffing and rage sighing.

While wearing a mask has given me the freedom of expression I didn’t know I needed, once this is over, I’ll be glad to see your smile again.


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